2011年3月14日 星期一

The unforgetable travel

    Last year, I went to Tokyo. It was the most unforgettable travel that I had have. At the first day of the travel, I felt scary because I went to a strange country. Thought I love Japen very much, it was intranquil due to the language barrier. All I could say are "Excuse me" and "Thank you", it was dangerous if I met any trouble then I couldn't ask for help. At the second day of the travel, I felt more safer because I found Japanese's English were good. Even the eldly man could say the sample dialogue. However, I went to a lot of wanderful landmarks. I felt pleasure for all things in this good experience. After this unforgetable experience, I learn more knowldge about travel. The most of all, I know that I don't have to worry to much before the things happen. After all, things will work out.
張貼者： 於

9 則留言:

  1. 曉芸2011年3月14日 下午6:59

    It was the most unforgetable travel that I had have.後面可以改成that I ever had.

    I felt scary because I went to a strange country.可以改成I was a little bit frightened as a reslut of my fist time visiting an unfamiliar palce.

    Thought->Though

    All I could say are "Excuse me" and "Thank you", it was dangerous if I met any trouble then I couldn't ask for help.這一句沒有連接詞，後面的met any trouble 我不確定可不可以這樣用，有點奇怪，然後後面的then也有點奇怪，可以改成and it was not eniugh for me to ask for help by means of my poor Japanese.

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  2. 椿茱2011年3月16日 晚上10:40

    第一行 travel that I had have
    → travel that I ever had
    第四行 All I could ~ it was dangerous if I met any trouble then I couldn't ask for help.

    →All I ~, which was terrible if I got into trouble, then I couldn't ask for help.

    At the second day of the travel
    →on the second day of our trip

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  3. XUAN (13)2011年3月16日 晚上10:51

    作文的開頭很重要喔
    你可以開門見山說你去旅行
    就像你的開頭這樣
    不過開頭通常可以知道文章的標題
    但是你的第一句太短囉
    你可以打說：
    Last year,I took a trip to Tokyo.
    或是
    Last year, I wnto to Tokyo on vacation/for a trip.
    或是引導讀者繼續看下去你想寫的是什麼
    像是
    Traveling is a wonderful entertainment, and almost everyone like to travel, and I have no exception. Once I took a trip to..... 再繼續寫你去了哪裡會更好喔:)


    It was the most unforgettable travel that I had have.
    上面這一句可以改成
    It was the most unforgettable travel that I had ever had.

    再來
    感到害怕
    是I felt scared喔
    然後strange country可以改成unfamiliar city (陌生的城市)

    第二行後面的Though你拼錯囉

    第三行你用All開頭的話 動詞視為單數 所以不可以用are要用is喔

    倒數第四行Even the eldly man could say the sample dialogue.
    應該改成這樣會比較好
    Even the eldly man could say simple words in English.

    倒數第二行部不合用knowledge
    你可以說你有更多的旅遊經驗

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  4. 靖苡2011年3月16日 晚上11:24

    第一句我一看到就覺得有點唐突太短吧!
    可是九登又說不會，但是佾珠支持我唷-ˇ-
    我也覺得改成Last year, I took a trip to Tokyo. 比較好

    I had have 改成I have ever had.

    At the first day of the travel,是At嗎還是on勒＠＠?!

    是Though唷!

    All I could say are "Excuse me" and "Thank you", it was dangerous if I met any trouble then I couldn't ask for help.
    分兩句或是加連接詞吧!
    痾只會說抱歉或謝謝跟後面那具有點銜接不上＠＠!?

    However用的超怪欸!要換唷~

    The most of all有這種東西嗎＠＠?

    worry too much唷!


    把兩天的旅遊寫的很精華我覺得不錯!

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  5. 玲儀2011年3月16日 晚上11:41

    Last year, I went to Tokyo. It was the most unforgettable travel that I had have. 一開始要點提The trip to Tokyo was the most unforgettable travel experience that I had ever had.

    I felt scary because I went to a strange country.
    I felt scaried because I went to a country
    which I had ever been before.

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  6. 佳穎2011年3月16日 晚上11:43

    It was the most unforgettable travel that I had have.可以加ever
    At the first day of the travel-->On the first~

    At the second day of the travel-->On~
    The most of all-->可以不用加the~
    I know that I don't have to worry to much before the things happen-->too much
    :D

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  7. 珍儀2011年3月16日 晚上11:49

    At the first day of the travel, I felt scary because I went to a strange country.

    scary改成scared

    Thought I love Japen very much, it was intranquil due to the language barrier.

    loved過去式

    All I could say are "Excuse me" and "Thank you", it was dangerous if I met any trouble then I couldn't ask for help.

    改成All I could say were "Excuse me" and "Thank you", and it was dangerous if I ran into any trouble but I couldn't ask for help.

    Even the eldly man could say the sample dialogue.

    Even the elderly man could say some simple English words.

    結尾太匆匆結束了,可以多提難忘的原因

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  8. 爾雅2011年3月16日 晚上11:56

    第一句 Last year, I went to Tokyo.改成 Last year, I took a trip to Tokyo.比較好 不然會搞不懂你去東京是做什麼
    下一句 It was the most unforgettable travel that I had have. 後面應該是I have ever had吧...

    然後At the first day of the travel, I felt scary because I went to a strange country.
    應該是on the first day
    At the second day也是要改喔

    第6行 However, I went to a lot of wanderful landmarks. 這邊用however感覺很奇怪 如果用however的話 後面的句子應該有反面的意思

    再來是最後一行I know that I don't have to worry to much before the things happen. much前面是too才對 少一個o 其他的都還ok~

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  9. 翊平~11~2011年3月20日 凌晨3:33

    It was the most unforgettable travel that I had have.
    →travel that I ever had

    At the first day of the travel, I felt scary because I went to a strange country.
    →At first day, I felt scared because I went to a strange country that I ever been.
    建議可以改成這樣~

    Thought→Though

    All I could say are "Excuse me" and "Thank you", it was dangerous if I met any trouble then I couldn't ask for help.
    →"Excuse me" and "Thank you" is the only word that I can said. I think when I got dangerous or met any trouble that I couldn't ask for help.
    可以改成這樣~

    我覺得內容可以再說點好玩的事~

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