My name is Hou, hau-fung. I was born in a family which was harmonious and warm. There are six people in my family, they are my grandparents, my parents, my younger sister and I. In my childhood, my grandfather always asked me to bow when I met elder. Because my grandfather considered that manners was very important when I grew up. My grandmother was a piano teacher when I was a child, so she taught me to play the piano when I was three years old. She always said "practice make perfect", so I practiced my skill a lot when I came back from school. Besides, she also asked me to join competitions or piano tests which made me become more brave when I went to the stage. My father is a civil service in Tainan municipal government. After he admitted this qualifications, he participated to the test for a lot of times. So he always says that "Never give up too early" to my sister and me. My mother is a scrivener who is very busy everyday. But she always makes everythings perfect and takes care of all my family well. She is also filial and open-minded, she is really a good example for me to learn.
開頭的部分, they are my grandparents...的部分(第二行) 可以改成 there are six people in my family, composed of my grandparents...
回覆刪除爺爺奶奶那邊good manners is very important no matter how old I grow.
practice makes perfect
奶奶的部分when I came back from school
→ after school
爸爸的部分 civil service 應該用official就可以了
可是after he admitted 後面 整個文意很奇怪
媽媽的部分 filial 用obedient應該可以唷
example 用 model
我覺得都還可以 也可以增加你和你妹妹的部分
還有如果有什麼特殊經驗也可以寫出來
She always said "practice make perfect", so I practiced my skill a lot when I came back from school.我覺得引出practice make perfect這句話很好,但是so I practiced my skill a lot when I came back from school.有點離題,可以改成:在學習英文時我的態度亦是如此~
回覆刪除Besides, she also asked me to join competitions or piano tests which made me become more brave when I went to the stage.
這句話很好欸,但是可以把when I went to the stage.這句改成:when I face people on the stage.這樣好像跟英文比較扯的上關係,你可以在想更好一點唷!~
So he always says that "Never give up too early" to my sister and me.我覺得打成我從他身上學到此件事情(不要輕言放棄)比較好欸,不然感覺只是說說,而你也只是聽聽
整體不錯ˊˊ
they are my grandparents, my parents, my younger sister and I.-->這句可以省略
回覆刪除practice make perfect-->practice makes perfect
After he admitted this qualifications, he participated to the test for a lot of times.
-->After being admitted to this
qualifications, he participated in the test for a lot of times.
這整句我有點看不懂是什麼意思
第二行There are six people in my family, they are my grandparents, my parents, my younger sister and I. 前後意思是一樣的 可以把後面的there are改成including
回覆刪除最後一行She is also filial and open-minded, she is really a good example for me to learn 中間少了連接詞
文章裡面寫了家人曾經教你的東西 而你也可以寫你從他們身上學到什麼 不然重點好像都跑到家人身上了~