2011年4月27日 星期三
Comparing 1
There was an interesting thing which happened in 2011 annual driver's license test. After the licenses sent to their owner, something mistaken happened. Several weeks ago, after Alabama State Department of Motor Vehicles sent the licenses. Two woman who got wrong licenses went to their office and complained about this mistake. Originally, their license were almost alike to each other. They were Stephanie Brooks and Ann Friedman who almost looked alike. Stephanie's eye color was similar to Ann's. Stephanie's hair color was black. Likewise, Ann's hair color was black. Both Stephanie and Ann were 5'3" height. Stephanie's birthday was 7/31/70. Similarly, Ann's birthday was 7/31/70. After this unexpected met with each other, Stephanie and Ann became friends. In addition, they also planned to have a big birthday party together.
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in 2011 annual driver's license test.
回覆刪除>> in 2011's annual drivers' licenses test.
something mistaken happened.
>> something wrong happened. (建議換成occured.減少重複相同名詞)
Two woman >> Two women
to each other. 這裡是贅字喔
Stephanie's eye color >>Stephanie's eyes color
After this unexpected met with each other,
回覆刪除met(v)過去是
unexpected (a)應該要修飾(n) meet可以改成encounter相遇見
>>> After this unexpected encounter with each other,
In addition, they also planned to have a big birthday party together.
可以加even
>>>In addition, they even also planned to have a big birthday party together.
大致上都很通順 :>
Several weeks ago, after Alabama State Department of Motor Vehicles sent the licenses. Two woman who got wrong licenses went to their office and complained about this mistake.
回覆刪除after是連接詞,所以這兩句可以直接合併
-->Several weeks ago, after Alabama State Department of Motor Vehicles sent the licenses, two women who got wrong licenses went to their office and complained about this mistake.
不錯唷~內容蠻充實的
歡樂的結局~
There was an interesting thing which happened in 2011 annual driver's license test. => drivers’ license
回覆刪除Several weeks ago, after Alabama State Department of Motor Vehicles sent the licenses. Two women who got wrong licenses went to their office and complained about this mistake. => Several weeks ago, after Alabama State Department of Motor Vehicles sent the wrong licenses to two women, going to their office and complained about this mistake.這樣改會比較順
Originally, their license were almost alike to each other. =>To their surprise, their licenses were almost alike to each other.
Stephanie's eye color was similar to Ann's. Stephanie's hair color was black. Likewise, Ann's hair color was black. =>~to Ann’s. Moreover, Her hair color was as black as Ann’s.
Similarly, Ann's birthday was 7/31/70. After this unexpected met with each other, Stephanie and Ann became friends. In addition, they also planned to have a big birthday party together.=>結尾感覺不錯喔=ˇ=
After the licenses sent to their owner
回覆刪除// were sent to
to each other 感覺拿掉比較好
They were Stephanie Brooks and Ann Friedman
// They are ~~
Stephanie's eye color was similar to Ann's. Stephanie's hair color was black.
兩句中間可以加連接詞之類的 ex: In addition, furthermore
這篇的故事我喜歡:D
句子都ok,還可以增加連接詞的使用會讓者偏看起來更通順喔!
something mistaken happened-->some failure happened可翻成一些疏忽發生了~
回覆刪除Several weeks ago, after Alabama State Department of Motor Vehicles sent the licenses.這句我建議可以跟前面那一段接在一起~
然後~寫得很用心喔o__<
哇塞!!!!我喜歡你這篇的故事架構!!!!
回覆刪除美中不足就是有許多錯誤~ 上述者眾多我就不多說了~
最後想再誇獎一次!! 故事ideal真的很讚欸!!!
≧ ≦ 好喜歡! 想的好用心~
第二行 After the licenses sent to their owner
回覆刪除是被送去的 所以sent前面要加were喔
第三和四行 after Alabama State Department of Motor Vehicles sent the licenses. Two woman who got wrong licenses went to their office and complained about this mistake. 這2句可以併在一起
寫他們做了什麼事之後句子就結束 這樣不通順
除了描述相似的地方外 還可以把它編成故事 不錯喔~
something mistaken happened.
回覆刪除→something wrong happened.
Two woman → Two women
有些地方的小細節感覺怪怪的!
故事感覺非常有趣，也很有創意優!