2011年4月13日 星期三
Describing a person
My 3-year-old little brother got lost during our family trip to the U.S. few weeks ago. When we went to the British Museum, he was excited and ran from here to there. After we wanted to leave, we found he was gone. All my families was really worry about him. Therefore, we wrote this announcement to find him. His name is John Lin. Besides, he is short and petite. Then, his hair is short, light blond and curly. When he smiles, there are two dimple on his cheek. I really miss his lovely smile very much. He has big eyes and small nose which let he look like a doll. Moreover, he wore bright yellow T-shirt and blue jeans with a cap. Please help me to look for him. I'll repay you at all costs.
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第一行My three-year-old little brother got lost few weeks ago during our family trip to the U.S.
回覆刪除第三行While we were planning to leave, we found he was gone.
All my families "were" really worry about him.
announcement有點怪怪的可以改成note or short description
two "dimples"
"a" small nose
he "looks" like a doll
he "wears" "a" bright yellow T-shirt, blue jeans "and a cap."
第一行的few前面要加一個a
回覆刪除不然的話few表示"雖然有,但極少"
第三行的family要用單數
worry是過去式
announcement 是宣言的意思
建議改成note
short 跟 petite是類似的形容詞
拿掉一個找別的形容詞替代會更好喔:)
倒數第三行的dimple和cheek都要加s唷
倒數第三行的really跟very much是同樣的意思
可以擇一就好
loof for應該改成find更適當
然後你忘記留下你的聯絡方式囉
加油^_^
第一行 few weeks ago → a few weeks ago
回覆刪除而且 你怎麼同時去了U.S. 和British Museum 這樣很恐怖欸:)) 應該是U.K.吧
第三行 All my families was really worry about him → All my family was really worried about him
要記得留下連絡方式唷:>
All my families was really worry about him.
回覆刪除是指家人吧!!All my family were~~
worry是動詞唷 改worried
I really miss his lovely smile very much.
really和very much擇一就好
He has big eyes and small nose which let he look like a doll.
這裡不用let唷~ 用make
look要加s
要留一下聯絡方式唷^ ^
倒數第二行he wore bright yellow T-shirt and blue jeans with a cap
回覆刪除褲子上還有帽子XDDDD?
可以改成he wore bright yellow T-shirt, blue jeans, and a cap
而且....你沒有說怎麼聯絡你阿!!!
這樣找到人後要怎麼辦阿~ (哈哈哈
就是每句跟每句之間的連接詞可以改順一點
回覆刪除然後別忘了最後一句要加thx XD還有聯絡方式
Please help me to look for him.這句的TO其實可以省略
he was excited and ran from here to there=>here to there怪怪的，應該是要改成到處"everywhere"
回覆刪除After we wanted to leave,=>之後我們想要離開??怪怪的唷~改成when it was time for us to leave會比較好喔^^
I really miss his lovely smile very much=>really or very much則一就好囉~同時寫有點太過了~
he wore bright yellow T-shirt and blue jeans with a cap=>with a cap放在跟其他的詞對等的位置比較好喔~不然這樣會變成"牛仔褲帶帽子"=ˇ=
結尾要加上聯絡方式喔~我覺得"不計一切代價"不是很恰當，畢竟這是一個公眾告示，很有可能會有人藉機勒索之類的=3=
All my family(不可數唷) was really (worry → worried) about him.
回覆刪除I really miss his lovely smile very much.
這句話會讓我感覺你"只"想念他的笑不想念他＠＠
He has big eyes and (少a) small nose (→and looks like a doll).
→Moreover, he wore a bright yellow T-shirt, blue jeans and a cap.
I'll repay you at all costs.
我會不計代價地回饋你?? 怪怪唷
應該是不計代價地找我弟弟吧＠＠