2011年5月25日 星期三
Expressing an opinion-2
We students are always complaining about wearing uniforms in the school. Furthermore, some of us even take action to against it. However, wearing uniforms in the school has a lot of benefits for ourselves. In my opinion, I support to wear uniforms in the school. First of all, we don't have to worry about our dressing and we can focus on our homework. Besides, it can keep us from dangerous when we are in the school. Due to if some villain went into our school, teacher can notice that right away. Moreover, it represent our identity and we will do things after thinking twice when we are in uniforms. It is often argued that it is inconvenient about wearing uniforms in the school. However, I think wearing uniforms in the school is our duty. Taking into account all of these reasons, one must conclude that it is good for us to wear uniforms.
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I think wearing uniforms in the school is our duty 穿制服是我們的責任?? 後面補充一些解釋會比較好
回覆刪除不然看不懂
其他的還ok 句子還滿通順的
沒什麼大錯誤，寫的很有調理很順~~
回覆刪除Furthermore, some of us even take action to against it.
回覆刪除>>>這邊可以舉例
take action to against it such as ~
讓人明確知道學生是多嚜不想穿制服
Due to if some villain went into our school, teacher can notice that right away.
>>>Due to villain stealing into our school, teacher can be aware of it immediately.
Moreover, it represent our identity and we will do things after thinking twice when we are in uniforms.
>>>有點累贅
When we wear uniform as a symbol of our school, we will think over befor taking some unapporpriate actions .
Taking into account all of these reasons,
>>>taking all of these reasons above into account,~
用詞和文法要注意一下喔 :>
teacher可以加s~
回覆刪除it represent -->it represents
we will do things after thinking twice when we are in uniforms這句可以改像ada那樣喔~
要注意一下結構就ok了>__o
I support to wear uniforms in the school.
回覆刪除--> I support wearing uniforms in the school.
Due to if some villain went into our school, teacher can notice that right away.
-->As a result, if some villains went into our school, teachers can notice that right away.
it represent our identity and we will do things after thinking twice when we are in uniforms.
-->it represents our identity, and therefore, we will do things after thinking twice when we are in uniforms.
Taking into account all of these reasons,
-->Taking all of these reasons into account ,
還不錯~注意小細節和語順就好了
Besides, it can keep us from dangerous when we are in the school. Due to if some villain went into our school, teacher can notice that right away. (~in the school because when some~)
回覆刪除Moreover, it represent our identity and we will do things after thinking twice when we are in uniforms. (~it represents our identity and we will think twice before doing things when we are in uniforms)
It is often argued that it is inconvenient about wearing uniforms in the school. (~inconvenient to wear~)
However, I think wearing uniforms in the school is our duty. (duty and responsibility)
Taking into account all of these reasons, one must conclude that it is good for us to wear uniforms.(taking all of these reasons in to account~會比較順)
Furthermore可以換成 also或是其他的 因為這裡的時序應該還不到那裡
回覆刪除some of us even~~
// us 我覺得怪怪的啦XDD因為你不是贊成的嗎 some of students even~~
has a lot of benefits for ourselves // ourselves >> us
it can keep us from dangerous // keep us from danger
some villain // some villains
Moreover, it represent our identity // Moreover, it represents our identities
and we will do things after thinking twice when~~
這裡我建議可以下一句了 因為你前面在講壞人出現所以老師可以立即注意到 而這句卻是另外講述學生的情形
倒數3 it is inconvenient about wearing uniforms
// about 感覺怪怪的 to :D
However 可以用其他字替代 避免太多的重複 while …