2011年6月1日 星期三
discussing cause-1
I'm a business administration student. I have been asked to analyze a case about a closed music store this semester. Below is a list of the reasons of why I think about it. First of all, its location didn't have enough population. In my opinion, he should choose a place in the shopping mall or the main steet near train station. Secondly, the owner of this music shop spend too much money on buying CDs for his shop. I think his can buy some second-handed CDs to reduce his budget. Besides, most of the CDs were hip-hop and rock which can only draw some specific groups. Maybe he can buy some pop music which can attract more people. Furthermore, he sold each CD for 15 dollars which was too cheap that he can't earn money from selling them. In addition, he didn't provide the server about the customer who was pay by checks and credit cards. Moreover, he hired too much clack for his shop which may increase his financial burden. The last but not the least, his work time is on Monday to Friday from 1 to 5p.m. which is the main problem about his failed. The hours his shop worked was not the rush hours that he couldn't bring people in his shop. After I analyze about this case. I think the owner should think twice before he planned to open the shop. Otherwise, he will failure in his next investment.
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I have been asked to analyze a case about a closed music store this semester // this semester 感覺有些多餘~
回覆刪除why I think about it // think about 思考;考慮 用在這裡不太恰當 這裡是要分析 我想用"認為"的意思會比較好 -> why I think it.
In my opinion, he should choose a place in the shopping mall or the main steet near train station.
-> In my opinion, he should choose a place near/around the shopping mall or train station.
第五行 spend -> spent
most of the CDs were hip-hop and rock which can only draw some specific groups.
-> most kinds of the CDs were hip-hop and rock ~
he sold each CD for 15 dollars which was too cheap that he can't earn money from selling them
-> those CDs retail at 15 dollars per CD, which was too cheap to earn money from selling them.
倒數第七 server -> service
who was pay by checks and credit cards -> who pay by ~
he didn't provide the server about the customer who was pay by checks and credit cards
-> he didn't allow the customers to pay by checks or credit cards.
倒數第六 clack -> clerk
his work time is on Monday to Friday
// on -> from
which is the main problem about his failed.
-> whick is the main cause led to his failed.
The hours his shop worked was not the rush hours that he couldn't bring people in his shop. 語意很奇怪!
After I analyze about this case. // analyze 是及物動詞喔
-> After I analyze this case,
I think the owner should think twice before he planned to open the shop. Otherwise, he will failure in his next investment.
//建議可以 把兩句合為一句喔 像這樣 還有 failure 是名詞喔
-> I suggest the owner should think twice before he plan to open a shop;otherwise, he will fail to his next investment.
加油喽:D
In my opinion, he should choose a place in the shopping mall or the main steet near train station.
回覆刪除(the main ”street”~)
Secondly, the owner of this music shop spend too much money on buying CDs for his shop.
(owner of this music shop spend(S)~)
I think his can buy some second-handed CDs to reduce his budget.
(I think ‘’he’’)
Maybe he can buy some pop music which can attract more people.
(attract other groups of people)
Furthermore, he sold each CD for 15 dollars which was too cheap that he can't earn money from selling them.
(too cheap to earn money from selling them.)
In addition, he didn't provide the server(侍者~上菜者) about the customer who was pay by checks and credit cards.
(he didn't provide the service(服務) to the customer~)
Moreover, he hired too much clack for his shop which may increase his financial burden.
(too many clerks for his shop who~)
The last but not the least, his work time is on Monday to Friday from 1 to 5p.m.
(his work time is from 1 to 5p.m on Monday to Friday~前面先放上小時間會比較好).
which is the main problem about his failed(adj).
(of his failure(n))
The hours his shop worked was not the rush hours that he couldn't bring people in his shop.
(The business hours his shop opened were not the rush hours that couldn't bring people to his shop.)
After I analyze about this case. I think the owner should think twice before he planned to open the shop.
(After I analyze (不用about) this case,I think the owner should think twice before he planned to open the shop.)
Otherwise, he will failure in his next investment.
(~will fail~)
我覺得你容易把詞性搞錯而用錯地方喔~這個要注意喔~
還有就是你的關代用了滿多次的~
可以試著換換看別的句型這樣文章看起來才會比較活喔~
Below is a list of the reasons for why I think about it.
回覆刪除I think his(he) can buy some second-handed CDs to reduce his budget.
不過買二手的好像不太好@@?!!!
問題只是在他買的種類太少唷~
In addition, he didn't provide the server about(provide的用法查一下唷!) the customer who (was) pay by(for) checks and credit cards.
倒數六clack(是clerks)
失敗的原因寫的很詳細唷:D
Below is a list of the reasons of why I think about it. 後面看不太懂...
回覆刪除第6行I think his can 是he
文章裡可以寫這些原因造成的影響 感覺會更詳細
Secondly, the owner of this music shop spend
回覆刪除-->Secondly, the owner of this music shop spent
so....that句型
was too cheap that
-->was so cheap that
he didn't provide the server about the customer who was pay by checks
-->he didn't provide the server for the customers who paid by checks
too much clack
-->too many clerks
about his failed-->about his failure
The hours his shop worked was not the rush hours that he couldn't bring people in his shop.
-->The hours his shop worked didn't correspond to the rush hours; as a result, he couldn't bring more people to his shop.
analyze是Vt唷(直接加受詞就好)
analyze about this case--> analyze this case
逗號
After I analyze about this case. I think
-->After I analyze about this case, I think~
he will failure in his next investment
--> he will fail in his next investment
雖然有些錯誤 但我覺得這篇寫得很不錯呢!!
要注意有些動詞不用加介係詞可以直接加受詞
有進步唷~只是小錯誤有點多!!
回覆刪除列點還算清楚
main steet --->street
回覆刪除Maybe he can buy some pop music which can attract more people.這句時態要用過去式喔
he didn't provide the server -->service
整體架構還不錯唷
只要注意一些小錯誤就ok啦~
列點清楚但是
回覆刪除用法有錯誤要注意喔!!