2011年6月9日 星期四

discussing effects-2

   Choosing a right career will affect our life. Therefore, we should consider a lot about the career we choose. The most important of all, we should do what we love and enjoy in our job instead of doing a high-paid job that doesn't suitable for us. Beside, choosing a career that we major in. Due to if we do a job that we are not professional, we will feel tried and depression. Moreover, with the bad mood cause by the frustrations in wrong career, we will become irritable and bilious. Therefore, the acts we show will displeased our colleagues. Thence, we should think twice before we make the decision for our new job and ask for opinions from those who is experienced. After doing that, we can reduce the possibility of choosing the wrong career.
張貼者： 於

7 則留言:

  1. 靖苡2011年6月15日 晚上11:56

    Choosing a right career will affect our life(lives).

    倒數四是hence 唷~

    你整體沒有感覺離題，但有時候會寫成reason，會有點離題唷~ 整體不錯~

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  2. 曉芸2011年6月16日 清晨6:43

    Therefore, we should consider a lot about the career we choose.=>Therefore, we should think twicw before we choose it.
    不用重複career~
    consider a lot 感覺是中文式用法><

    we should do what we love and enjoy in our job=>enjoy後面直接加ving/n不用in
    Due to if ~depression=>due to 放在這邊的語意很怪~可以不用加
    Moreover, with the bad mood cause by the frustrations in wrong career,=>~with the bad mood causing by~

    Therefore, the acts we show will displeased our colleagues=>Therefore你應該可以用很多其他字代替吧~前面已經有過了喔~act我覺得可以用behave比較好~

    ask for opinions from those who is experienced.=>~those who are~你問的應該不只一人吧XD

    wrong我覺得不是很適當~改成inappropriate/improper我覺得會比較好~
    我覺得這篇寫的有條理~文法只是有點小問題~我覺得有進步喔=))

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  3. 佳穎2011年6月16日 上午9:51

    Beside,--Besides
    不果我覺得這句Beside, choosing a career that we major in. --->
    Instead, choosing a career that we major in.
    用besides的話感覺語意未完結~

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  4. 爾雅2011年6月16日 晚上7:25

    第四行的Beside 是besides喔

    第五行with the bad mood cause by.. 是caused

    其他的還ok 只是你的結論句可以再加長 這樣會比較完整~

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  5. 玲儀2011年6月16日 晚上7:31

    Choosing a right career will affect our life.
    這邊可以加enormous
    Choosing a right career will have an enormous affect in our life.

    最後的結尾可以更完整:>

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  6. 椿茱2011年6月16日 晚上8:01

    1st therefore 我會改成on the basis of that欸!
    Beside, choosing a career that we major in. 這樣不構成句子喔
    Due to if we do a job that we are not professional
    //due to 後面加 名詞吧 改一下喽
    with the bad mood cause by the frustrations in wrong career, we will become irritable and bilious
    // with the bad mood causing by the frustrations in wrong career, we will become more irritable. irritable和 bilious 我覺得擇一就好
    這篇阿 壞脾氣和同事那邊我覺得有些不太相干 我會覺得比較次要

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  7. XUAN (13)2011年6月16日 晚上8:15

    enjoy in our job >> enjoy our jobs

    Due to if we do a job that we are not professional, we will feel tried and depression.
    這裡放due to文意會很奇怪喔
    然後我覺得這個論點怪怪的餒
    應該是我們做的工作跟我們所學不相關我們才會有這樣的感覺吧@@所以改一下囉!!

    with the bad mood cause by >> with the bad mood caused by

    我贊同你第一個論點!!

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